Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Who Gets the Letter?



My word.  I just got off a phone call that quickly became a real life rendition of  "Who's on First?"  It won't surprise you to hear that the conversation was with an insurance carrier.  Here's a little history for you. Because of last fall's hailstorm, I needed a new roof here at the store along with some drywall and painting inside.  Work has been done - although the ceiling leaked again last night but that's a story for another time, as my friend Chet the dog would say.  

During all the fal-der-al in filing the claim, I asked the adjuster once and the voice at the insurance end if this claim would cause my insurance to go up or - horrors - cause them to cancel me.  All responded with a resounding NO each time.  I was assured that my claims was small, nearly invisible compared to the bulk of the claims they get.  Well, you can just about guess...no cancellation but  - a 25% premium raise.  So, I switched companies.  

Part of the switching process includes switching my workman's comp policy.  I thought that was taken care of until I got a letter from AmTrust, an insurance company that should called Am-not-trustalbe.  Anyway. I have to fill out a form and return it.  Trouble, is the top of the letter gave me one address saying I had to return the form via "registered certified mail, personal delivery or via facsimile."  Also included was an envelope with a totally different address pre-printed. So, I made the big mistake of calling the provided number for clarification. 

Here's how that went: (I'm in italics)

I have a quick question.  (Silly me thinking THAT was true)  I have this form, and two different addresses  on where to send it.  Which one should it go to?

Yes.

Yes, the one on the letterhead or the one on the envelope?

One on the letterhead.

OK.  Then what is the envelope for?

You need to send the form back to us in that envelope.

Oh.  I should make a copy and send one to both addresses?

Yes.  Just to us.

Right.  What about the address that I am supposed to send via (here I read the top of the letter to the voice)

Oh.  Let me bring up your policy.

You haven't done that yet.?  I thought you brought it up when you first asked for my policy number.

Yes.  You just have to check the appropriate box and return it.

Well, I would be happy to do that, but there are no boxes and I don't know which address to use.  Could the envelope have been included by mistake?

Yes.

For sure?  So I really only have to send it to the place that needs the info via certified mail etc?

Yes.  You can use the envelope provided to do that.

But it has a totally different address in a totally different state.

Oh. That will be fine if you do that.

Do what?

Send it to us.

To you?  You're sure?  I won't get thrown in jail if I don't send it to the other place that requires a certified letter?

Did you say you're in jail?  Is that why you're having this problem?

I'm not in jail. 

Oh.  Perhaps my supervisor can help.

(Here I wait for about three minutes and when does she return?  Just as I am about to break my record score in Mahjong solitaire)

We don't know.  Call your local agent.  He might know something. By the way, can you tell me why you are leaving us?

Um....ineptitude.

What?  My phone just cut out.

Nothing.  Really.  Thanks for your help.

Now, before you go jumping to any conclusions, the voice on the other end was not foreign!  And to be fair, her phone did cut out periodically but I am sure she thinks it was mu jail cell phone that caused the problem.

*********************************************************************************


This is not a formal Dog Blog entry but it is a secret worth sharing.  On Saturday night You-Know-Who came home from Metro Jam well after 9 pm.  I had waited patiently for my walk, and what does she do?  Plops down to watch some PBS mystery.  I am getting so tired of them.  Those people talk funny and the stories are always continued.  I have thing to do.  I can't be expected to remember things like what cop was chasing which criminal.  There is sunshine to follow around the house and birds and chippies to watch.

Anyway, I got irritated.  "My walk" I finally demanded.  So, YKW reluctantly turned off the TV, grabbed my leash and off we went.  Me looking proud and trotting along at a brisk pace, taking in all the local smells...YKW in her pajamas!  I was happy.




Monday, June 16, 2014

A New Series from Ann B. Ross (Miss Julia)


Anyone who loved an laughed as Miss Julia fell into one misadventure after another will be thrilled when, on August 19th, Ann B. Ross begins a new series set in the town of Abbotsville.  This time, she writes about Etta Mae Wigging, a woman with a heart of gold and a lot of rough edges.  Etta lives in a trailer park, has a rotten family and dreams of a better life.  

Working as a home health nurse for the elderly and obscenely wealthy Howard Connard, she sees her chance.  She will use her feminine wiles to get him to marry her.  That is until his money hungry son gets wind of her plan and stops Etta at the front door.  When one of Etta's ex husbands shows up in town with a winning lottery ticket things get hectic.  Goose chases ensue with everyone from the trailer park to the mansion born grabbing for easy cash.  A couple local thugs and Miss Julia even join the fray.

This is all good fun...and silly deck reading.  We all need that, don't we?

Over the weekend, I also read a new young adult novel called Eleanor and Park.  This book left me speechless and heartbroken...and not one single person dies in the story.  If it weren't for an opening filled with some creative cussing, I would freely suggest this to all my teen readers.  If language scares you, or you fear that reading a book with the "F" bomb in it will change your life or in some way make you a doer of evil, then stay away.  If you can read a book without being altered by profanity, then pick this up and be altered by the story.

What's next?  My book group is reading Gone Girl for July.

Thanks for stopping by.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Rainy Day Websites



What to write about on Monday?  I can't write too much about Tom Rob Smith's The Farm until I finish and know just what I can and can't say in order to not give too much of this twisted plot away.  You see, at this point, the lines are blurred.  One of the three main characters is living in reality, but I can't tell which one. Sharing the wrong info about the book could end up being a spoiler, so best to wait until next week with that one.

Passing through the liquor department at Festival Foods solved my problem.  Right there, displayed  for all the world to see was a beautifully handwritten sign saying 

Sangria
Red "OR" white

I should have taken a picture.  Instead, I had the following short conversation with the nice young lady at the checkout:

What are the quotation marks for?
Quotation marks?
Yup.  Right here on your sign.
Oh.  We have red and white Sangria.
Right.  But what are the quotation marks for?  (By this time I was understanding that she was clueless when it came to issues of punctuation)
Oh.  We have red or white - using air quotes this time.
That's great but...
They're for emphasis.

So, there you have it.  A new use for quotation marks.  You all know that I make plenty of spelling errors, and I seldom take the time to check on whether the period goes inside or outside of quotation marks. I am confident that my regular readers either accept my laziness, or forgive my mistakes on a weekly basis.

Anyway, instead of book bytes, today I will share some of my favorite word and book related websites and blogs.

To show that the sweet girl I maligned above is not alone in her quotation mark quandary, go to www.unnecessaryquotes.com.  The web name is self explanatory...and it has morphed into a pretty funny book.

I won't go into detailed descriptions of each site, since, in most cases, the name says it all.

I'm not suggesting you dig into these right now.  Rather, savor these beautiful Lakeshore days, and bookmark these sites for rainy days, sick days, or those days you skip work "just because".



verbivore.com  - my top site.  Created by Richard Lederer, former host of "A Way with Words" on WPR.  It's an all purpose word site with definitions, games, hilarious misuses and more

engrish.com - celebrating outrageous misuse of language 

chetthedog.com - an interactive blog from my favorite book character, Chet the sleuthing canine.  Really, your dog can correspond with Chet, send pictures, or just read about the cases that Chet and Bernie have been solving.


realitysteve.com - This is my guilty pleasure site and has naught to do with books or words.  Somehow Steve gets the scoop on what will happen on future episodes of reality shows like "The Bachelor".  He's right nearly 100% of the time.  So, if you dig reality TV and don't want your favorite show spoiled, stay away from this site.

Those are some of my favorite sites.  I'd love to hear about yours.  You can share them on our FB page.

I began talking quotes, and so I will end with the same.  

Today....."No one buys and sends greeting cards anymore.  They're dead," said the customer who just purchased $56.00 worth of cards.  Truth.




Monday, June 2, 2014

My Miser


This is Paul Involdstad, my high school theatre director.  He called me on Saturday and I am still smiling from hearing his voice.  If there is such a thing as a twinkle in a voice, Paul had one - a bit elfish, a bit sarcastic, and always tired from working way too hard.  I remember seeing Paul for the first time on day one at Washington Junior High School.  (I think it was Paul's first year as a teacher, so we were sort of even.) Coming from a Catholic school, I was scared beyond belief that I wouldn't find any friends.  I found one quickly and at lunch that day we saw him bounce through the cafeteria.  We couldn't quite define him - either a sharp dressing kid or a real cute teacher.  The later seemed impossible to me having been face to face with nuns for eight years - but that is exactly what he was, a real cute teacher.

When I got to Lincoln, Paul was teaching Brit Lit and directing plays.  And that's what he called about. Saturday was sort and rescue day for him.  Someone had given him a keyboard, and while rummaging through piano tutorial books, he ran across mementos from my short theatre career at Lincoln.  He will be sending me his prompt book, ticket stubs, news articles and some photos from a Moliere play called "The Miser."

Paul and I had reconnected a few years back when he sent copies of a CD of songs he had written and recorded.  But this phone call was different, and if it hadn't been for a group of five ladies coming int o shop, I would have talked and talked.  He talked about directing, and how he felt that perhaps he had gotten it wrong - that there were better methods of getting his point across.  He though he was pretty rough on us.  

I don't remember that.  What I do recall is that he was miserly with the compliments.  I would go home at night wondering how I was doing.  Now I know.  I must have been painful to work with.  Clumsy.  No confidence.  Clueless on how to interpret lines. Once he discovered I had no talent, he clearly chose to be kind and not say anything.   Despite that, I learned a lot.  I learned from watching Paul, and although he failed in transforming me from a lunk he gave me was a thirst for theatre.  Theatre history. Theatre technique.  Theatre literature.  He helped me discover the foundations and from that my appreciation and knowledge grew.  What a debt of gratitude I owe this guy.

Paul, if you're reading this...about that piano playing business.  That is one tough instrument.  You have to trick your brain into bringing two lines of text together into one.  I never moved much beyond "Ducks on the Pond" in the piano primer called Teaching Little Fingers to Play."  Still, I persevere and can play an almost recognizable, albeit constipated, version of 'Moonlihgt Sonata."  I know you will will do much, much better.

Signing off, Paul said "I'm glad you're happy, Bev."  He's right.  I am.  I hope that Paul is and that you are as well.

Thanks for stopping by.

What am I reading?  Just started The Farm by Tom Smith.  Suspenseful.

Catch up on the store bunny saga on FaceBook.